Me? Who Am I??

I recently found a video on a friend’s Facebook profile that made me cry because I had never identified more to any media.  It shows how society absolutely kills your creativity and turns you into something you are not and don’t want to be.

I am those colorless people.  That is EXACTLY how I feel.

I was always the odd girl in class that no one really wanted to talk to. I was the girl who was learning English at a time when it wasn’t so mainstream in schools quite yet. Later on, while all the girls were drooling over Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Freddie Prize Jr., I was geeking out over Disney movies, science fiction and technology.  I was happy in my little geek world, even if I was all alone in it.  One day, my aunt got us AOL, and that just expanded my world. I found other people out there in the universe that were just like me.

But the world doesn’t have time for your TV shows, your likes, dreams or the things you want to do. Society tells you that you MUST complete someone else’s predetermined schedule of schoolwork, then immediately after, you MUST get a mind-numbing job at an office and bury your soul deep inside so you are just a shell of the real person you were.  Your only role is now to just follow the rules, no more dreaming, no more thinking. My writing, all that writing I used to do and even won some awards for – stop that immediately because it’s pointless.  I love the way you sing, you have a gorgeous voice – it means absolutely nothing if you can’t use that in the office. It’s all just a waste of time.

And I fell for every single word of it. I remember my counselor in high school asking me what I wanted to study in college and I had no answer because how could I possibly decide what career I wanted for the rest of my life at 17? I like everything, and I love learning new things. But I remember her forcing college down my throat and psychologically altering my mind to this idea that I had to spend a fortune I did not have on an education I didn’t 100% know I wanted.  I got a bachelor’s degree in French and Spanish which…yes I enjoyed getting, I suppose.  But I had to drop the Education portion of my degree I had originally tried for because there was no way a foreign language ed major could study abroad and still graduate on time (?!?!?!?). I wanted to take advantage and spend a semester in France! I couldn’t get a degree in anything IT related because I would never ever pass the crazy math classes required of me so I stuck with the languages. Soon after college I started working at the company where my parents worked. I told myself I would stay only one year. That was 10+ years ago.  Somewhere along the way in my twenties I left myself behind, forgot all the things I loved and what made me “me”.

Now, in my early thirties, I am going through a sort of rediscovery of who Esty really is in part thanks to social media and some seriously beautiful friends in my life.  But I can’t seem to get there at ALL. My job is…to say it’s draining is putting it lightly. It’s a constant internal struggle I am fighting all day every single day.  I am running and on high-stress mode ALL day long, sometimes not even able to eat lunch. When I get home I am SO tired, all I can do is just sit on the couch. I have no brainpower left, or willpower to do anything, or any power at all, really. I find that I am always angry, short with people, annoyed at every single thing I have to do, etc. I have been trying for years to leave this horrible toxic job for a new, better, healthier one that will allow me to still have a life outside of work.  And, I haven’t done a damn thing with any of my “creative abilities” to allow me to make money that way either. My (expensive NJ) mortgage will not pay itself after all. And I won’t even get into how I feel like I am falling behind because that is a whole other mess of tears, anger and non-resolution. I have not been genuinely happy for a long time but I have to push that aside because that is something else still pushed by society.

This is the first time I have actually written in so many months and it feels good. I miss writing here and for FanFest News. I hardly even consider myself part of their team but I don’t think I’m not part of the team either, I guess? I want to start writing articles again, maybe find a writing competition or something and submit some work? I’d love to have enough energy to get back to the amateur PR stuff I had gotten into on Twitter, too. So much conflict, such little mental power in one body.

I shouldn’t completely put myself down, though, because I have had a few very small but important victories. I did promise myself on Jan 1 this year that I would be braver than I was in the past.  I started by getting a second piercing in each ear which, if you know anything about my fear of needles, wounds, etc knows that this was a huge deal for me. I also uploaded some audio of my singing up on YouTube, and am going to try to get more up soon. And, in a desperate attempt to defeat my anxiety, I started taking kickboxing! I am LOVING it so much. I walk in to class feeling angry and exhausted and walk out actually feeling like a god. I volunteer at Heroes & Villains FanFest – just the one in NJ for now because I don’t have the money to go to more, but I do it and I love doing it so so much.

So, for those of you who have asked me where I’ve been, and why I have been so much quieter lately, this is it. I can’t believe it took an animated short film to really be able to open up about it. I am a fighter who is ALWAYS there for those who need her, but I think it’s time for me to come back to myself a bit. I will try to hush the loud voices of a society that inhibits creativity and positivity to see the world the way I actually want to see it. I may need your help along the way. Some of you have been a serious ray of bright light in the nasty storm I stuck myself into and I thank you for your constant love and support. It’s a lovely reminder that there really is some color still in this seemingly colorless world. ❤

Gilmore Girls Revival Official Posters and New Stills!

Stop whatever you are doing because Netflix has released the official posters for the Gilmore Girls revival next month and they are GORGEOUS!!

Each poster represents one of the four seasons (winter, spring, summer and fall), which is how the new series is set up.  Each episode will be 90 minutes, each one taking place in a different season.

Can we also talk about how gorgeous Lauren and Alexis are??

There are also new production stills out today, including our first look at Jess and Mrs. Kim!




*waits not very patiently for November 25*

Apple Event 9/7/16

Happy Apple News Day!!

Yesterday Apple had their event in San Francisco to share with us some updates on some of our favorite products. The event started with a mini Carpool Karaoke with James Corden and Tim Cook while Corden was driving Cook to the event. Once there, Tim Cook wasted no time in getting started by jumping into all the fun updates:

Apple Music
– Carpool Karaoke will stream new episodes on Apple Music next year
– New interface to make it easier to navigate
– Apple Music Festival will take place in London on September 10th .  It’s the 10th anniversary show with special guests such as Elton John, Britney, Calvin Harris, etc.  The event can be live streamed from all Apple devices.

App Store
– 140 billion total apps downloaded from the Store (wow, that is a lot of apps!)
– Super Mario is coming to the app store!! The game is called Super Mario Run. The new  game looks exactly like the old school games so it’s familiar and easy to jump right into. Also, major props to the guy sampling the game wearing a shirt that read “Mushroom Kingdom”! I need that shirt.
– We are also getting fun animated Super Mario stickers for iMessage 😀 My new “goodbye” messages will now include Mario or Luigi jumping into a green pipe, so fingers crossed that is one of them 😉

– ConnectEd – a national initiative between government and tech companies to get technology to schools
– 114 schools to be up and running this fall. Apple is also donating iPads to more than 50k students, installing Apple TV in classrooms, etc.
– Allows students to engage in a more innovative way and makes learning more fun
– “Everyone can code” – a program to teach kids how to code using Swift which is Apple’s programming language.  Apple building the future army of great programmers 🙂
– iWork – an office style suite for iOS/Mac, now with real-time collaboration for the whole suite. These are the Pages, Keynote, etc apps.

Apple Watch
– Apple Watch is now 2nd watch brand in the world right under Rolex. (Kind of a big deal, honestly.)
– WatchOS 3 – New Dock for easier app access, new watch faces. Messaging has features double tap quick replies, animated stickers, and full screen effects like confetti. Scribble lets you write a custom reply (including simplified & traditional Chinese too!).
– Breathe – new app that reminds you each day to take a moment and take a breathing exercise to manage stress.
– SOS – new feature that lets you contact your emergency contact by pressing the button on the side of the watch.  It also shares your location for your safety.
– POKEMON GO is coming to Apple Watch!  The Watch will display how long you have  to walk to hatch an egg, what your HP is, calories burned, which Pokemon is nearby etc.  It notifies you when a Pokemon appears and when you approach a Pokestop and can collect from the Pokestop here, too. (The guy sampling the game for us also hatched a Pikachu from an egg, which I’m pretty sure never happens *is not bitter*)
– Apple Watch is now water resistant up to 50 meters which is AWESOME because of all the entry points. They have covered all the entry points minus the speaker.  The speaker will now eject any water left in its space.
– The fitness stats now include swimming – will help with your swim workout – pool swim & open water swim – lap count, distance, calorie burn, stats over time.
– Dual core processor, faster GPU, sweeter graphics, brighter display (brightest Apple display, built-in GPS (This is huge!)
– Viewranger – new hiking app that uses the GPS to provide trails, current location, interesting information about your location and lets you know when you’ve strayed from your path.
– The watch’s finish comes in ceramic (sexy). Nike Plus model made of lightweight aluminum perfect for runners.
– $369 both regular and Nike Plus. Pre-order on September 9th. Nike Plus is available late October, regular watch the week after 9/9. WatchOS 3 available on September 13.
– The older Apple Watch is also getting the same processor and now starts at $269.

iPhone 7
– iOS 10 – which I previewed for you recently. 😉
– Homekit app lets you control devices around your house right from your house.  From garage doors to lights. Major manufacturers already support Homekit and hundreds more products to come.
– iMessage has new bubble effects and full screen effects and stickers and a mini app store for iMessage.
– Water and dust resistant!!!
– New camera system- optical image stabilization for shaky hands. Wider lens to allow more light. 12MP sensor. The flash now has 4 LEDs so it reaches further. (Seriously the sample pics they showed were gorgeous and I need it.)
– Front facing camera is now 7 MP (so so cool) and also has some stabilization features for better selfies 😉
– iPhone 7 Plus will have TWO rear 12MP cameras.  One has the wide angle lens, the other is a telephoto lens.  (DSLR, people.  Like the fancy larger cameras.  Only now it’s in your pocket 😀 ) Digital zoom up to 10x.  Free software update for all iPhone 7 Plus users later this year.
– Brighter display, more colors, just prettier.
– Pressure sensitive home button.
– Now the phone comes with stereo speakers, one on top and one on bottom with twice the volume which will sound awesome in landscape mode.
– The much talked-about ear pods – they will now connect via Lightning.  No more audio jack. JBL has new workout headphones that connect via Lightning.
– Lightning to aux adapter – comes in the box with your phone so you can still use your existing headphones.
– The also much talked-about wireless ear pods, called Air Pods.  They know when they’re in your ear and have the ability for you to talk to Siri with a tap.  They have microphones at the end of the pod.  5 hours of listening on one charge and a compact charging dock.  iCloud lets you set up the pods across all your devices – one step set up to connect.  Beats has new headphones that use the same technology.
– Apple Pay – now coming to Japan in October.
– A new processor allows for some console type gaming that looks GORGEOUS on the iPhone’s screen.
– The battery hours stats they showed looked impressive, too. Allegedly it lasts 2 hours more than the iPhone 6s and 1 hour more than 6S Plus.
– iPhone 7 starts at $649 (same as iPhone 6S) and comes in 32gb, 128gb AND 256gb!!
iPhone 7 Plus starts at $769 (same as Pphone 6s Plus) and comes in the same 32, 128 and 256.
– iPhone 6s and 6s Plus are increasing their storage to 32 and 128gb.
– iPhone 7 and 7 plus pre-orders are this Friday September 9 and ship one week later on Sept 16. iOS 10 is available on September 13. Air Pods will ship in late October and cost $159.

My upgrade with AT&T is not until October so I have to wait to get my

Gilmore Girls Fan Fest is Coming!!

As if getting a Gilmore Girls reboot on Netflix this November was not already super exciting, it has been announced this week that the town that inspired Stars Hollow on the show is hosting a 3-day Gilmore Girls festival!!

The festival will take place in Washington Depot, Connecticut from October 21-23 and will include coffee at the hardware store, a knit-a-thon (!!!!) and they’ll even have a town troubadour.  A schedule is not yet completed, but there will also be trivia and screenings of fan favorite episodes.

Eight of the show’s actors are slated to be at the festival: Jackson Douglas (Jackson), Rini Bell (Lulu), Aris Alvarado (Caesar), Biff Yeager (Tom), Kelly Bishop (Emily), Yanic Truesdale (Michel), Vanessa Marano (April) and Ted Rooney (Morey). Here’s hoping the rest of the cast can make it! (I know we all want/need to see Luke actually serving coffee at the diner, am I right??)

According to the festival website, festival founders Marcus and Jennie Whitaker came up with the idea while stuck in traffic in Hartford, super close to Washington Depot.  Realizing then there really are no Gilmore Girls events, they decided to make one and brought Stars Hollow to life. Thankfully, everyone in the town seemed it was a great idea, too!

Sadly, though not surprising, tickets are already sold out.

To get more information on the festival, go to

Apple iOS 10 Details and Features

Apple dropped a beta for iOS 10 on Monday, and it is going to be a sweet new package.

The new release will come with some really squee-worthy new features, the most anticipated probably being the ability to delete built-in apps. That’s right guys, we will be able to delete built-in apps.  This is NOT a drill.  Goodbye forever, Tips app!! *evil laugh*

We are also getting an enhanced lockscreen that will let you perform tasks like answer emails, look at text messages and edit your calendar all without leaving your lockscreen.


Siri is getting more functionality so you will be able to control more apps with your voice, the Photos app is getting smarter using facial recognition on pictures in the camera roll so you can create folders by person, and text messages are getting extra fun. You’ll be able to do fun things like send messages that are blurred until you swipe your finger over it, secret agent style.

Now, this wouldn’t be a proper update without new emojis.  Apple is going to be releasing over 100 new and redesigned emojis. The emojis all have more detail and depth to them, looking a lot less flat.  Sports & profession emojis will now have more gender diversity with a male and female option (including a boy & girl Sherlock!!).  There is finally a gay pride flag available, and the gun emoji has been replaced by a toy squirt gun.


iOS 10 will be available to download in the fall.

The Gilmore Girls Revival Trailer is Finally Here!!

Everyone’s favorites from Stars Hollow are coming back to our screens soon with the Netflix revival Gilmore Girls: A Day In the Life (queue frantic fangirl squealing) and the excitement is real among fans.

After what feels like ages waiting for details on what the revival would be like, we finally have a trailer AND a release date of November 25th.

The trailer puts you right back into the world of Stars Hollow and the Gilmore Girls by showing you Luke’s Diner, the Dragonfly Inn, Doosie’s Market, the town square, Lorelai’s house gorgeously done up with lights…and then we get a short scene with Lorelai and Rory.  The scene is nothing short of perfection with the rapid-fire talks, the coffee and Pop Tarts on the table, the sarcasm. It’s delicious. It’s like the show never ended.

Lorelai muses about Amy Schumer and John Oliver loving her and wanting to hang out with her.  Well, Amy Schumer and John Oliver both expressed their love for Lorelai, because everything about this revival is nothing short of perfection.

Amy Schumer


See the trailer below and leave a comment! What do you think about the trailer? What are you hoping /most excited to see?

Coping with TV Hiatus

How great is television? So many different types of shows and characters, all those cool stories to follow week after week. How about the nervous excitement the day of a new episode getting all the things done in time to sit in front of the TV? Maybe your Twitter is open and ready for live tweeting with fellow fans, ready to go through the motions and emotions of the episode – simply the best.

But what happens when the TV show is not there for a while, when you have to take a break from the fun because the show is…*DUN DUN DUN!!!*… on hiatus. What are you supposed to do now? How do you fill the void?

Currently, I am missing Arrow, Flash, Legends of Tomorrow and Supernatural, but their break is super brief and will be back soon. Doctor Who, however, is a deeper pain I must learn to live with for now while they figure things out over there. I have been spending the time making new friends in these fandoms, bingeing on Netflix, teaching my mother all about Doctor Who, revisiting old episodes and seasons, etc.

I asked the Internet how they are getting through their favorite shows’ hiatus time and I found that people have multiple ways of getting by between Netflix, Internet communities and even one friend who uses arts and crafts!

On Twitter:
@gkenvidal: I’m not a fan of the mid season hiatus. Netflix has completely spoiled me. I do find the wait between seasons difficult.

@whofalldifan: I have been watching past shows writing fan pic painting pics anything to get through the down period.

@Chrisha_DWGrrl: Cons and social media are my life on hiatus. And off. But still.

On Facebook, author Jenn Nixon had this to say: “TV Hiatus? What’s that? Oh, that’s the time when I watch the “filler” or Mid Season shows like Agent Carter, X-Files (damn you cliffhanger!), and Galavant, The 100, and Legends of Tomorrow. If that’s not enough to tame my geek heart, I will watch the first half of the first season of some shows like The Flash, Supergirl or Arrow On Demand or my DVR, if I had enough room to save them.”

Amanda Creasy explains: “I, too, am feeling the loss from no new Doctor Who episodes. I’m an active member on a few boards on Facebook where we chat about the show (past and present). I love when friends bring up interesting points that I might not have noticed the first time around. I also enjoy watching the discs with commentary- it’s sort of like experiencing the whole thing over again with actors and directors giving us behind the scenes perspectives! Finally, I scour the internet for new Fan Fiction that I haven’t read yet. I have quite a list of favorites and it’s really a fantastic way of getting “new episodes”. I also enjoy writing fanfic and have a few stories published. It’s never easy getting through without your favorite show, but I think we’ve all developed our coping mechanisms.”

Marie (@MeintheMist) is even part of regular Outlander meetups where she lives (talk about superheroes of hiatus!). When the fans get together they go all out, decorating their venue in Outlander style, there are discussions, giveaways, prizes, etc.

How do YOU get through a TV show hiatus? Leave a comment and stay strong,  my friends. Our shows won’t be gone forever!